Things Thailand is Teaching Me: Finding Strength in the Struggle

It’s been almost exactly a year since the day that God finally managed to bring me to my knees. I remember the moment quite clearly.

At that point, I had been studying Thai for a year and a half, and I was on my way home from another day at language school. It had been a day filled with spectacular fails – including the moment my teacher said something about “gluay” and I responded with a blank stare to one of the very first words I had ever learned and still actually used on an almost daily basis. I forgot the word for banana. I will NEVER get this language!

I am very aware of my tendency to pride. I used to think I was pretty intelligent. I knew before we ever came to this country that language learning would be the biggest challenge I faced. I don’t think I expected a miracle, but I do think that I assumed I was perfectly capable of learning another language. Even an Asian language. Even at the age of 47. I could do this.

But that July day, navigating the car through the busy streets of Chiang Mai, I wasn’t feeling smart. I was tired. I was frustrated. And I was pretty certain it was never going to happen. I would never attain fluency. And in that moment, I turned to my favorite source of comfort – Christmas music. And worship. Actually, my favorite combination of the two, O Holy Night.

As I was listening to the song, I heard these words:

Christ is the Lord! O praise His name forever!

His power and glory evermore proclaim!

And suddenly I was humbled, which apparently was exactly what was needed right then. I found myself crying and saying to God, “Just do whatever glorifies you. If it brings you more glory for me to not speak Thai well - or for me to struggle for a long time at it so that it becomes obvious that when I do speak it, it was only because of you and you deserve the glory - then that is fine with me. You are the author of languages. You make me speak, or you don’t make me speak. It is your choice. You do whatever you want to do, and may you be glorified by it.”

God has been changing me, humbling my pride, which is so necessary. It doesn’t matter one whit how smart I am. Nobody cares. But in the area of language learning, it has been very hard not to pick up the language as quickly as I wanted to. I confess that I wanted to be the amazing student who learned quickly and spoke the most clearly, etc. How prideful and ridiculous. No more. Now I truly want God to be glorified, and if I must struggle and fail, then I will trust Him to strengthen me to continue working.

As I continued over the next few days to pray and meditate on God’s word, one of the passages I read was this familiar one from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

In her book, Eating With the King, Terri Rockwell wisely points out that when we struggle, it is for our own good. Our faith is made stronger when we acknowledge that we can’t do it, that we must rely on God’s strength. And it is only then that God gets the glory that He so deserves. For what glory is there for God when we do something that comes easily to us? Others need to see the miracle of God active in our lives. WE need to see the miracle of God active in our lives. The struggle is good for us, because it forces us to acknowledge our dependence on Christ, and this keeps us constantly aware of our need of Him.

Rockwell went on to note something else that really struck me. God’s love for us is an active love. This really got me thinking and rejoicing - God isn’t simply sitting up in heaven smiling at me and thinking he loves me (maybe He does that, too, like I do to my kids - but that isn’t ALL there is to love!). Love is an action word. He is working on my behalf - working all things for my good, even when to me it just seems like a lot of struggle.

This really resonates with me, because as a parent, my love for my children is definitely active. Sometimes it is necessary to allow them to struggle in order to grow and learn. I can’t simply do everything for them, constantly creating an easy path. Like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, through the striving we come out stronger on the other side, our wings prepared to stretch and fly. And when others see it, may they praise the Creator who supplied all of our needs.