Looking Back

Those of you with Facebook pages have probably seen posts in your newsfeed saying, “You have memories to look back on from today.” That's what I've been doing this week - looking back.



As we approach the three-year anniversary of our departure (how can that be???), I have been reminded of what we were experiencing three years ago at this time, as we prepared to leave the country for the next four years. Notes from friends and family have joined reminders of final get-togethers for saying good-bye to loved ones, giving barely a glimpse into the chaos and emotions of those final days.

When I look more deeply at those final days, I remember sitting on the floor of a small borrowed house, surrounded by 11 suitcases and 6 carry-ons, trying to decide what could actually go and what would have to be abandoned at the last minute. I remember sitting in “my” church for the last time, surrounded by people who loved me enough to send me out the best way they knew how, assuring us of their love and never once recriminating us for leaving them. I remember saying good-bye to wonderful friends and final hugs for dear family before boarding a flight that would take us halfway around the world.

As you read this, you may think that all of my memories are sad ones. The truth is, I experienced a lot of hard things that first year. During our time of visiting churches and forming partnerships, we saw great excitement among the churches. New missionaries are being sent! It has been so long! The joy of the people was contagious, and we joined hundreds of supporters in reveling in the wonder of being called, of following Jesus “to the uttermost parts of the earth.”

In the midst of that excitement, though, was a desire to really be honest with all of you about what it truly means to follow Christ. We wanted you to share this journey with us, both the highs and the lows, so that you could join us in greater understanding of the One who calls. During our time here, scripture verses often quoted have become more “real” than ever before.

Is joy the emotion that we feel when we read these scriptures? 

When we live them?

I will never forget going to see Disney/Pixar’s film, “Inside Out,” when it first hit theaters in Thailand in the spring of 2015. Of the many wonderful themes running through this movie, one of my favorites ties in deeply to what I discovered during our first year on the field. Memories and experiences are not simply either joyful or sad. Sometimes they are both. And it is ok if you aren’t happy all the time. In fact, in addition to sadness, you may feel fear and anger and even disgust. Our emotions have sure run this gamut during our time transitioning to Thailand.



What do we post on Facebook to show to the world? We just spent some great time with some wonderful Karen people. JOY! What didn’t we share? Three times on the way there, we thought we might die just trying to maneuver safely in traffic. FEAR!

What do we missionaries make sure we let you know? We have met some lovely people here, and we’re looking forward to building deeper relationships with them. JOY! What do we hide from you? We are intensely homesick, longing for the people who know us and love us and share life with us on a meaningful level. SADNESS!

We’ve been told that moving overseas brings with it culture shock and language shock, but perhaps most profound is the self-awareness shock. This is certainly true. There is nothing that will reveal your soul so much as giving up a life of familiarity to follow the call of Christ into another culture that is in many ways completely different from your own. The first year of mission overseas is supposed to be focused on language learning and building relationships, but I would add that a good first year goal - perhaps even a first term goal - should include discovering who you really are and who God really is, because nothing will shake up everything you think you know about both like doing what we’ve done.

About six months into the move and desperately homesick, I penned a paper during my quiet time that I titled, “10 Things I Hate About Thailand (but that God can turn into revealing perspectives of Himself – and me, too).” Now, as I read back through that missive, I no longer feel the depth of emotion that coursed through me during that time; I do, however, see how God has worked in me to show me more of who I am and who He is. Here are a couple insights I’ve gained:

• Being confronted daily with the sin and idolatry of others can provide new lenses for seeing myself for how wicked I really am. 
• God doesn’t intend life to be about being comfortable, and I have spent way too much of my life simply reveling in familiarity and comfort. It isn’t about me. 
• All those songs we sing in church about how Jesus is all we need, that He is more than enough for us? He really wants us to know the truth of that. 
• Worship is work. Sometimes we must work hard to find things we can be thankful for, to see where God is working, to know His presence – simply because sometimes the hardest work we have is learning to take our eyes off of ourselves and focus them on Christ. 

When that first year came to an end, I found my heart filled with this prayer: Paul’s famous words, “I have learned to be content, no matter what…” seem like a pipe dream. But I know that this is one of the many things You are trying so hard to teach me. You reveal to me how very spoiled I am… how easy my life has been… how little I really needed You. Now You want to show me what it means to lay down my life, and pick up my cross. You prune me and then challenge me to grow, to become the person You want me to be, to bear fruit, even if it is hard, even if it is painful at times. If this is what it takes to truly be Your disciple, if this is what it means to really love You… bring it on. Bring on the hard lessons. Bring on the failures. Pick me up when I fall, discipline me when I fail, wipe my tears when they come, and shine Your light in a way that gives me new and glorious perspective on what I see and experience here in Thailand.

Are all of our memories of that first year sad ones? ABSOLUTELY NOT! We have pet baby tigers, splashed in waterfalls, strolled through beautiful gardens of orchids, and ridden in a boat on the Gulf of Thailand. We have been swimming in all seasons, and played in the water during Songkran, splashing each other like little kids. We have enjoyed fellowship with people from around the world while tasting a variety of delicious foods – Karen, Thai, American, Irish, Italian, Mexican, and more. Yum!











We’ve strolled the alleys of the Night Bazaar, shopping for special things for our new home and souvenirs to send back to friends, all while speaking in Thai to the vendors! We have laughed at ourselves as we tripped over our tongues in language class, and left stores and church services with smiles at realizing we were able to communicate in this language! We have begun to teach and minister to a wonderful group of people and find joy as our connection to them deepens.

The kids have slept over at friends’ houses, done scavenger hunts at the mall, gone miniature golfing, ice skating, and bowling, participated in mission, and roamed the streets of Chiang Mai armed with large water guns. They have made friends with kids from Pakistan, India, Ireland, England, Australia, South Korea, Thailand, Sweden, the Netherlands, the U.S. and more! 

Our family has led worship for six different conferences as well as monthly services at our church. We have cheered in excitement while opening care packages from friends back home. We have sat in an Irish restaurant surrounded by rowdy friends singing along at the top of our lungs to live Irish music. And we have spent quiet evenings at home as a family watching a movie and munching popcorn.

We have MANY joyful memories of our first three years in Thailand, and for that we are infinitely thankful to the Giver of good gifts.


*This article has been updated and edited from its original publishing on the International Ministries website.