Things Thailand is Teaching Me: Empathy

There’s an old American proverb that says, “Don’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.” Of course, all of us westerners understand this familiar phrase as a way to describe empathy, a word that we claim to understand but rarely evidence. Perhaps I never truly knew the meaning of that word until I moved to another country and immersed myself in its language and culture.

Studies on the acquisition of language (in our native tongue) reveal some interesting facts:

• By the time a child is 2 years old he/she will have a vocabulary of 200-300 words
• At the age of 3, the vocabulary grows to about 900-1,000 words
• The typical 4 year old will have a 1,500-1,600 word vocabulary
• By the time a child heads to kindergarten at the age of 5, he/she will have a working vocabulary of 2,100-2,200 words
• The 6 year old child typically will have a 2,600 word expressive vocabulary (words he/she says), and a receptive vocabulary (words he/she understands) of 20,000-24,000 words
• By the age of 12, the child will understand approximately 50,00o words

That's quite fascinating, you're probably thinking right now, 

but where is she going with this?

I have now lived in Thailand for three years, and I am almost four years old. And while I am truly thankful that my language has progressed from being able to say "hello" and "thank you" to the ability to carry on simple every day conversations, there is still a long way to go. I truly don't even always understand "preschool" Thai. And there is often a big disconnect between the classroom and the real world. In the classroom, the teacher speaks slowly and clearly, and uses mostly words I already know. Unfortunately, the marketplace is a little bit different. People speak quickly. They have thick accents. And they don't always follow the script I know.

The kids and I in language class with our Thai teachers

While this can certainly be frustrating, I am also extremely thankful for the opportunity that I have had to work hard at learning a difficult language, because it has given me something I lacked before - empathy. Empathy for the immigrant in the U.S. Empathy for those struggling to learn English and communicate in the U.S. culture around them.

Occasionally, I'll read or hear a remark that goes something like,  "If they're going to come to America, they should learn English!" I would suggest that the people who say this have never  had to learn another language as a matter of necessity - except perhaps the two required years of classroom study in high school, which is simply not the same. 

Yes, when you move to another country, you absolutely should learn the language. But if you have never done this, believe me, you have no idea what is involved. I guarantee you that people who move to another country where a different language is spoken would LOVE to be able to communicate in that language. But this takes a lot of time and work. 

And it is really, really hard.

I have been very encouraged by the native Thai speakers I have encountered. When I attempt to speak their language, they are so kind. You speak Thai very well! Actually, I don't. I'm doing better and better, though, and when they smile at me and encourage me - even when I know I made at least one mistake, and likely many more than that - they give me the courage to keep trying, to keep studying, to keep speaking. I can't imagine how much it would hurt my heart if one of them were to respond to my feeble attempts at speaking Thai by spouting, "If you're going to move to Thailand, you should learn to speak Thai!"

So here is one area in which those of us who claim to love Jesus can live out the words of Paul in Colossians.

What are some practical ways to do this?

See them. Look around you, and find the ones who need you. They go to your church. They serve you in restaurants. They work beside you. See them as the beloved children of God that they are, and ask Him to develop empathy in your heart for them.

Offer to help. If you can speak English yourself and have compassion for someone in need, you can provide an opportunity for an English learner to make conversation. Not only that, you could help by showing someone new to the community where to find the things they need, help them read labels at the store, and more. We were so blessed by our TBMF staff who did these things for us when we first arrived.

Smile and encourage them. Your English is really improving! You've come a long way. I know you can do it! Treat them like you want them to succeed, and cheer them on to the win.

Learn a little of their first language. Even when you can't say much, or can't say it perfectly, people really appreciate when you try to communicate with them in their heart language. My sweet daughter had the opportunity to work with several people from other countries this summer. She quickly learned how much it meant to two Russian girls when she learned their Russian names and how to say "hello" in Russian. Why? Because sometimes you miss home, and sometimes you get tired of working so hard at speaking another language. And it's nice to have someone care.

Journalist Charles M. Blow is quoted as saying, "One doesn't have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient." As a language learner, I understand how much harm can be done by a lack of empathy, even when it is unintended. Let's make it our goal to choose a life of compassion and love.